there wasn't any snow out there in this utah valley on friday and most of saturday. i woke up this morning to find a beautiful sight of white. the branches, the ground, the cars, the driveway...it was all covered in the clean, wonderful sight of fresh snow :)
i had a great bridal shower thrown for me by grandma ward and my other relatives-to-be. there were games, presents, food, balloons, people, and me wrapped up in a tissue paper wedding dress. lol. it was my 1st bridal shower EVER. i was a little nervous, but it was fun.
i miss my roommate tonight. whether it be camry or rebecca...i have just realized that i don't like sleeping in a room by myself anymore. its so quiet and lonely. you know? i can't wait to be married.about a week ago, i realized that i hate wallyball. hate is a strong word that i do not use often b/c of how mean it can be. however, i think i really do hate that game. lol. i really enjoy playing soccer (where the ball is mainly on the ground) and volleyball (where there are lines and a larger area to play). but wallyball doesn't seem to have any of those. there is this ball just bouncing off of every wall. the only time it was really out of bounds seemed to be when it hit the back wall. sometimes, i swear the ball thought it would be "funny" and bounce off a wall, hitting me from behind! i feared for my life pretty much the whole time. it was a good experience, though. i like to try new things! now i know...lol.i'll be sleeping with my tiger pillow this week. did you know that tigers are going extincted??? is anyone else mortified about this as much as i am??? it was pretty much the most tragic news i think i've heard all month. i told jacob that its more of a reason for us to get one. so we can help save them :) i miss the turpins...they got me that pillow and i think about them ALL the time.
the past day or two, i have felt extremely...misplaced. like, i don't belong or that i can't meet people's expectations of me or that they are wanting me to get one thing done, but by the time i get to it, i'm already behind. always one step behind to them. i've always lived pretty frugally, but i never thought i was that intense about it. saving is important to me. has been all my life. and being a college student that is about to get married, it just makes it more important i guess. i have just realized that i'm a little more different from the people i care about than i thought.
i want to get out of here. i just got here, but i want to go again. i'm so thankful that we have somewhere to go, but this is just crazy. i feel like we're always being watched; like we're not being trusted and now being told to go to bed by 10:40. really? its like house arrest or something. i have worked SO hard to show any form of PDA and now i feel like it all has to go back under the rug. its not fair. i'm engaged. i want to be able to act like it and not hide behind the couch, in a place that isn't much wider than 2ft, to watch a movie on my laptop with my future husband. it was cozy, don't get me wrong, but really? i just don't understand...tomorrow will be better, i suppose. hopefully i can find ribbon for my bouquet and such that matches the too dark of bridesmaid shirts. then gma ward might refresh my knowledge about crocheting so i can make a scarf or blanket or something. figured it'd give me something to do on the bus trip to MN and TX with Jacob. ya know?
i have to go to sleep now...told Jacob i would.
sweetest dreams.
<3
do you ever have those songs that you just see yourself singing to somebody, whether it was how you feel or one that seems to describe them?
do you ever have those nights you cry yourself to sleep and have unpleasant dreams, but wake up content?
do you ever love to eat something, but then have a day when the taste just isn't as satisfying as it usually is?
do you ever catch yourself singing along to a song that really annoys you?
do you ever wish you were somewhere else but right where you were all at the same time?
do you ever think you know someone and then they turn out to be different?
do you ever want to help someone but just can't?
do you ever dread the day ahead of you, but realize that it turned out to be one of the best days of the week?
do you ever feel alone in a crowded room?
do you ever question your judgment?
do you ever have the overwhelming desire to dream BIG, but don't know what that dream should be and how to make it happen?
do you ever reach a fork in the road and just want to sit down until one of the paths disappear and the choice is no longer quite as difficult?
do you ever find it easier to help others than it is to help yourself?
do you ever kiss someone and its nice, but one day you kiss them and it send shivers down your back and butterflies in your tummy?
do you ever take the time to be thankful for the physical pain you might have, once in a while, to remind you that you are alive?
yeah...life is odd sometimes, isn't it?
<3
i keep telling myself that things will get better. just a little longer...
but what if it doesn't? what if this time...i'm wrong?
<3
No More Sad Songs: Clay Aiken
This is the way,
That i state my independence,
That i'm no longer connected to your memory.
This is the day that i'm making my defection,
gotta claim back the affection that you stole from me.
I used to hear your music so loud But its so low.
You're just another face in the crowd, I'm letting you know.
[Chorus:]
No more sad songs, I'm letting you go now,
Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know,
you turned out the light. I'm gonna be alright when I... turn the radio on.
No more sad songs.
These are the words to describe all your offenses.
You said love in the past tense and then you let it go.
Haven't you heard, Your are no longer respected,
you are formally rejected from the one you hurt.
I used to have the longing to hear what was in your heart,
But now it seems i'm over the fear of this falling apart.
[Chorus:]
No more sad songs, I'm letting it go now,
Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know.
No more sad songs, I'm letting it go now,
Switched off switched on, I'm letting you know.
you turned out the light. I'm gonna be alright without... Turn your
radio off. No more sad songs. No more sad songs.
No more sad songs...
just when i thought that father/daughter thing was getting better...i can't go through that washing machine again...
Jacob drove me to the top of the hill, though. he was there for me today :)
i could really go for some loud music and the kind of bass that i can feel flow throughout my whole body as it moves me to the beat.
<3
i think i've been a little "off" these past couple of days. Jacob and Camry have noticed. i haven't been able to figure out what was wrong with me until today. well, i think i've figured it out... earlier this week, my dad popped into my head. i thought i haven't seen him since January ish. that's what i had myself believing at least. i realized i haven't seen him since August of 2009. that hit me like the feeling i get when i'm about to biff it on the ice but catch myself at the last second before my rear-end hits the frozen puddle under my feet. it's been longer than i thought.
then i realized that my brother is going to be going on a mission within the next 4 or 5 months... i'm going to miss him SO much. he's the insanity that i need in my life. the person who is always there to wrestle with me, even if he is about 9 inches taller, 50-60 lbs more than me, and his hand can engulf my face at any point in time. he's the guy that can speak his pure sarcasm and i understand 96% of it right away when it takes others a little longer. he's the kid my mum sends me to wake up in the morning when i'm home (which is a very long and skillful process). Matty doesn't yell at me those mornings - he just whines while he wraps his arm around my neck and pulls me into bed as well (even when i complain). he listens to me, or at least pretends to, and is WAY too over protective of me. to have him AND my dad away and a little difficult to contact...i don't like that thought in the least. i'm so excited for him to go and serve the Lord. it seems, though, that all of my best friends are going to be gone on missions (Honduras, California, Scotland/Ireland...).
i'm so thankful to have my fiance in my life, as well as my other friends. there are some days when i feel like everyone is leaving me, but as my eyes find Jacob's...i know it is okay. i'm loved.
<3
