What am i good at?

my pro/con lists!
and so they begin...


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boys and bugs - poema

i just found this song today. it made me smile. everything will be okay :)


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PLEASE!

JUST STOP IT! i want to punch you! okay, maybe not punch you, but at least push you really hard in a way that it catches you off guard and you go, "oh wait! i must be doing something stupid/wrong to have deserved that." yes, i am angry. you really have to grow up, but i don't know if you ever will. will you ever be a man that someone can rely on all the time? i'm mean, think about it. i wonder what you'd do if you went to an all-boy school with no girls in sight to manipulate. i don't know if you'd survive. you fall "in love" too easily. stop going after all the pretty girls and sweet talking them. stop trying to lure them into your trap of security. these girls are my friends and there is NO way i'm gonna let you hurt them. so you can say a few sweet words to boost their self confidence, but you better watch it. i'm tired of you and your stupid games. i want to love you, but you make it really hard when you act like this. focus on your mission and building friendships with your guy friends. okay? your sisters hate it when you bring home girls and then want them to leave you guys alone or leave the room or something. they've told me their frustrations and sad thoughts about this. you hurt multiple people when you act the way you do. think about it hun.


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I really don't like options sometimes

i've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. and up until now i had sworn to myself that i'm content with loneliness... i have been "emotionally abused" a couple of times during the year of 2009. it's a new year full of new adventures and wonders. but i don't think these tender scars have healed all the way quite yet. i don't know if they ever will. i don't hurt anymore, but my guard has been reinforced and i'm nothing but cautious. only you have been the one who really understood. not really empathize, but you sympathized. you listened and helped me laugh. i wish you were here this past fall. i wish you were here now. lol. it's okay, though, because i am so happy where you are. i'm told to be myself, but that just draws people in. i want to go on a mission. my mum told me that she has always known i'd make a great missionary, but she also knows i'll make a great wife and mother. she said it's okay to not go on a mission if other plans come up. guys are coming out of the woodwork these days (RM's) and i don't know what to do. they're awesome friends, but they like me. like...like like me. i can't say i'm going on a mission so it's a no go, because what if i meet Mr. Right later? then i'll be the jerk that said no to the other guys for an excuse that is no longer valid. going on dates is good. it's a start and fun. i mean, i had one this past monday night and i'm gonna be having one friday of this week and maybe another. some random guy asked for my number today. i told my roommates that i quit. i told them that i'm gonna stop working out, start wearing awkward sister missionary clothes, eat cookie dough for every meal, not wear any makeup, and stop talking. haha. idk. this has never happened before and i'm scared. so scared. i pray for comfort and receive it, but it doesn't mean that i'm not still terrified. you know? it's okay. i'm just taking it one day at a time and seeing where it ends up. i don't wanna make any big decisions until you come home, though. that's the hardest part. i don't want to limit myself like that or something. i don't know. you've done so much for me, whether you noticed it or not. i absolutely LOVE college, but what is this new twist? i guess we shall see...


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Today I miss you

today i miss you. songs can tend to trigger memories. i miss you and the good old days. the days when things around me were a little crazy, but when i was with you i felt safe and valued. the days when you would vent and i would vent. when you listened and i listened. when you were so close or just a text/phone call away. the days when just seeing your face put a smile on mine. i miss the days when going on a walk was enough. the days when i inspired you and you opened my mind to things it hadn't been introduced to yet. we'd listen to music and laugh and not care what other people thought. i miss the days when we did silly, stupid things that turned into memories i hope we never forget. when i'd tell everyone about how amazing you were and how they should totally meet you. the days we'd worry about each other and help each other during the tough times. i'm happy with these days, but i wish you were more in my life like you were before. yeah...today i miss you.


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In Kris's head for 5mins...

so guess what. it's raining :) and i'm drinking apple juice, which makes me happy. and i'm finished with classes for the day! i had lunch with my wonderful roommate, Camry. i lost my pencil, but it turns out it was under my laptop, so it's all good ;) i get to read about natural disasters in a second; i love that stuff! i took a 20min nap (i tend to do that on thursdays). i bought the office thingy for my laptop so that i can have power point and all that jazz for only $68ish when i thought it'd be $150. and i think my grant should pay for that. woohoo! my gospel of the doctrines class was freakin' amazing. i'm so excited for this class! my sister told me something yesterday that made me do a happy/excited dance (literally). mum got her cutco knife from me for her christmas/birthday/mum's day present and LOVES it! even though she hasn't used it yet...lol. i'm going to be posting a couple of pics from my drive up to school sooner or later. i miss my isabella and sara oba. i wish they were here, but thank heavens for technology, right? :) my favorite missionary emailed me tuesday and told me that the package i sent him was pretty much perfect :D i miss him too, but it's all good. my roommates are really nice and we all seem to get along just great. i ate some chinese stuff last night, not reading the fine print of "spicy". let me just tell you, that "spicy" was a SEVERE understatement. lol. tomorrow is friday and that means i survived the 1st week back to school! kay, got to go do homework!


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Oh the Turpins...how i miss them...

The Geddies and I

i had set a goal to go over to the Geddie's house every tuesday night. so, for about the past 2 months, i have gone over to their place to take a couple hours and help them out in some way and spend time with them! it has been quite the adventure and pretty fun. sometimes i helped the girls practice piano, making the chore of sorting through the crazy-big basket of socks lots of fun, do dishes and clear off the table, clean Geoff's room, talk to Sister G, help the girls study for their tests...last week we went to Cici's Pizza. it was lots of fun and we got to get out of the house!
last night i went over there for the last time this semester :/ it's okay, though. i went to have a fun night with the girls, cuz whenever i go over there i'm usually working in some way and they haven't like that. last night was all about them. lol. we had spaghetti for supper and then hopped into the pool. it was a little chilly, but it was bearable...for the most part. we had a bunch of fun. Geoff's ipod was out there, so we turned on some tunes and played around in the pool for a while. we dunked each other and chased each other and splashed around while screaming and laughing like there was no tomorrow. the boys, Jakob and Geoff, eventually came home from dodge ball and jumped in. haha. as soon as they did it, they regretted it. you see, the pool had gotten pretty darn cold since we got in. even i had goosebumps and thought about getting out. the girls and i had an agreement that if anything happened to us, like we were chased or attacked by the boys, we'd help each other out. well, the boys are pretty strong and i could only protect Kerstin for so long...she got thrown into the pool twice. lol. then, after we realized our lips had turned purple and we couldn't stop shaking, we all got out and wrapped up in towels. Geoff told me to get onto the trampoline with him and Jakob, but i denied and told him that this night was a girl night. i felt a little bad cuz i love to hangout with Jakob, but i would have felt worse if i turned out to be like all the other girls that Kaitlyn and Kerstin told me about. we went inside and made some hot chocolate and played 20 questions and Memory. then it was time for prayer and bed. after the girls went to bed, Geoff and i cleaned the kitchen for about 2hrs. we were SO tired, but it got done, thankfully. i'll miss those girls so much! hopefully we'll be able to Skype! maybe every tuesday night! :) we'll have to see about that. i'll have to go say bye to them before i leave on thursday along with stopping by the Curtis's. hmmm, that will be a busy evening. happy thoughts! lol.


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Talking to you

tonight i got to talk to Drew, Stephen, and Owen for about an hour and 45mins. it was pretty much continuous laughing :) i love how nothing is ever really too awkward to talk about with Drew and how we have just as much fun throwing his roommates into our conversations. lol. i almost didn't call, because i was asleep and didn't really want to wake up when my alarm clock went off. i'm super duper glad that i called, though. it made my week so much better! we talk about the past, present, and future. we joke and pick on each other and encourage each other. it's fun :) Drew helps me feel like i can do anything! he does that for my sister too and we really appreciate it. i might be tired tomorrow, but it is totally worth it.


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Waiting

i tend to have a very hard time understanding and labeling how i feel. tonight i felt sad, but why? there was more to the feeling within me than just sadness... i thought about it while i sat upstairs waiting on what was about to be the 3rd hour of abandonment. as words skimmed through my mind, i slowly and carefully picked them out. disappointment. yes, this was a big one. there was also frustration and a bit of anger. i really didn't like this feeling. it wasn't welcomed, but within me it chose to dwell. tears streamed down my cheeks, leaving only salty streaks and a bad taste in my mouth. i hate crying. these next couple of days i have a very tight schedule. i leave back to college in less than a week. i had been made promises and my hopes had been put up only to be dropped like a bowling ball thrown out of a skyscraper window. when things like this happens it will hurt, but it'll be okay, eventually. yes, i have to reorganize my schedule and cut out family/friend time, but everything i need to do before i leave will happen. the sun will rise in the morning and it will be a new day with the excitement of seeing all i can get done.


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Smiles all around :)

today is a beautiful day! the sun is shinning, there is a wonderful breeze, and the flowers are blossoming. everything looks greener and bluer! the humidity level is so much better than it has been the past 6 days. i loved my haircut the 1st day, but then i realized that TX likes to poof it, so today i put it in a ponytail :) Joy and i watch Ponyo this morning and then i bounced her on the big yoga ball for a while. that was a lovely workout for me and made her laugh and smile more than i have seen her do over the past day or so. i haven't gotten the sickness that has gone around the house this week...yet. i got to write my favorite elder yesterday! KT and i got our hair cut on monday, went to institute for a while last night, will be going to institute again tonight, and then we're going to build-a-bear tomorrow night so i can build a bunny! i'm wearing my new kneehigh socks and a happy coloured tank top is sticking out from under my Shattered Lives shirt. i'm leaving for the lovely ID in a week. i'm learning how to better use my camera so that my pictures turn out just right. i might make chocolate chip cookies today! i've been cooking supper a few times this week and they all seem to turn out okay. we sang Love One Another before scripture study this morning :) i'm not in as much pain as i have been. my wisdom teeth sockets seem to be healing up nicely. Bevo got shaved today so he doesn't creep me out as much anymore! (i'm sorry, but a dog should not be able to carry things in their fur...lol). i know that the church is true and there is a smile on my face and in my eyes!
today is a good day :D


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