A bunch going on

there wasn't any snow out there in this utah valley on friday and most of saturday. i woke up this morning to find a beautiful sight of white. the branches, the ground, the cars, the driveway...it was all covered in the clean, wonderful sight of fresh snow :)
i had a great bridal shower thrown for me by grandma ward and my other relatives-to-be. there were games, presents, food, balloons, people, and me wrapped up in a tissue paper wedding dress. lol. it was my 1st bridal shower EVER. i was a little nervous, but it was fun.
i miss my roommate tonight. whether it be camry or rebecca...i have just realized that i don't like sleeping in a room by myself anymore. its so quiet and lonely. you know? i can't wait to be married.
about a week ago, i realized that i hate wallyball. hate is a strong word that i do not use often b/c of how mean it can be. however, i think i really do hate that game. lol. i really enjoy playing soccer (where the ball is mainly on the ground) and volleyball (where there are lines and a larger area to play). but wallyball doesn't seem to have any of those. there is this ball just bouncing off of every wall. the only time it was really out of bounds seemed to be when it hit the back wall. sometimes, i swear the ball thought it would be "funny" and bounce off a wall, hitting me from behind! i feared for my life pretty much the whole time. it was a good experience, though. i like to try new things! now i know...lol.
i'll be sleeping with my tiger pillow this week. did you know that tigers are going extincted??? is anyone else mortified about this as much as i am??? it was pretty much the most tragic news i think i've heard all month. i told jacob that its more of a reason for us to get one. so we can help save them :) i miss the turpins...they got me that pillow and i think about them ALL the time.
the past day or two, i have felt extremely...misplaced. like, i don't belong or that i can't meet people's expectations of me or that they are wanting me to get one thing done, but by the time i get to it, i'm already behind. always one step behind to them. i've always lived pretty frugally, but i never thought i was that intense about it. saving is important to me. has been all my life. and being a college student that is about to get married, it just makes it more important i guess. i have just realized that i'm a little more different from the people i care about than i thought.
i want to get out of here. i just got here, but i want to go again. i'm so thankful that we have somewhere to go, but this is just crazy. i feel like we're always being watched; like we're not being trusted and now being told to go to bed by 10:40. really? its like house arrest or something. i have worked SO hard to show any form of PDA and now i feel like it all has to go back under the rug. its not fair. i'm engaged. i want to be able to act like it and not hide behind the couch, in a place that isn't much wider than 2ft, to watch a movie on my laptop with my future husband. it was cozy, don't get me wrong, but really? i just don't understand...
tomorrow will be better, i suppose. hopefully i can find ribbon for my bouquet and such that matches the too dark of bridesmaid shirts. then gma ward might refresh my knowledge about crocheting so i can make a scarf or blanket or something. figured it'd give me something to do on the bus trip to MN and TX with Jacob. ya know?
i have to go to sleep now...told Jacob i would.
sweetest dreams.


<3