I realized...

i think i've been a little "off" these past couple of days. Jacob and Camry have noticed. i haven't been able to figure out what was wrong with me until today. well, i think i've figured it out... earlier this week, my dad popped into my head. i thought i haven't seen him since January ish. that's what i had myself believing at least. i realized i haven't seen him since August of 2009. that hit me like the feeling i get when i'm about to biff it on the ice but catch myself at the last second before my rear-end hits the frozen puddle under my feet. it's been longer than i thought.
then i realized that my brother is going to be going on a mission within the next 4 or 5 months... i'm going to miss him SO much. he's the insanity that i need in my life. the person who is always there to wrestle with me, even if he is about 9 inches taller, 50-60 lbs more than me, and his hand can engulf my face at any point in time. he's the guy that can speak his pure sarcasm and i understand 96% of it right away when it takes others a little longer. he's the kid my mum sends me to wake up in the morning when i'm home (which is a very long and skillful process). Matty doesn't yell at me those mornings - he just whines while he wraps his arm around my neck and pulls me into bed as well (even when i complain). he listens to me, or at least pretends to, and is WAY too over protective of me. to have him AND my dad away and a little difficult to contact...i don't like that thought in the least. i'm so excited for him to go and serve the Lord. it seems, though, that all of my best friends are going to be gone on missions (Honduras, California, Scotland/Ireland...).
i'm so thankful to have my fiance in my life, as well as my other friends. there are some days when i feel like everyone is leaving me, but as my eyes find Jacob's...i know it is okay. i'm loved.


<3