i can't stop listening to these two songs. so there is this one song that reminds a few people of me. i played it this morning cuz it was stuck in my head. after the 1st verse, sammi said that was just like me. haha. what a cutie. she really seems to admire me. i love her like crazy. i thought only one person would have me on their mind during that song, but after yesterday i guess not. then there is this other song i was able to listen to all the way last night. i can't stop listening to it. it almost makes me feel bad. not totally bad, but...i almost wish i could change something to make this song not be this one person's current song. it's so...i can't even describe it. sad? hopeless? heartbreaking? discouraged? it'll all be okay. chin up. tonight. tonight...lol. i was almost shaking on the 46second drive over to their house. i didn't want to go anymore as of that drive. i was nervous or scared or something. i didn't want to see a certain person. i knew it wouldn't be right. i hoped for it to be right, but i kept my hopes low so they wouldn't be crushed. a girl can dream, right? going there was just like it used to be. i entered into that wonderful home. there was yelling going from one room to the other. there were people coming up to me and giving me big hugs before they scattered to do what sister G said. oh how i missed this. weird, but true. with all the things that go on, i just hold my smile and hand out hugs. then i offered my services like i usually do. tonight, April and i cleaned out a good chunk of the closet under the stairs. it was crazy and piled high, as i'm sure most of everybody's closets look like at some point. however, now the floor can be seen, jackets are hung up, and i found exactly what sister G was hoping i'd find :) seeing that one person was...the only thought that came to my mind was 'how rude'. this person barely even looked at me. they have become more hick sounding and looking than the last time i checked. i wondered why i even went to any distance with them in the past, but i knew why. they have changed, though. this person isn't the same person that i grew to know and love. they were different. it's okay. there is a small part of me that wishes there was still that friendship - that bond. the one we had a year ago. the one that i'd write letters to every week and enjoyed hanging out with. it's okay, though. things change. times change. people change. all we can do is take what life throws at us and run with it, making the best of what we have. thankfully i believe i already have the best for me and i love him.
i was talking to sister G tonight about this love of mine. she knew i would find someone better. my ex treated me like a princess. he even called me it on a regular basis. but Jacob...oh Jacob...he treats me like the future goddess i aspire to be. i'm his number 2 (God is number 1 of course). he cares so much for me. i am easily happy. all he has to do is buy me a kitkat and i'm the happiest girl. we haven't really bought each other much, but i like it simple like that. what do people who buy so many things do when the money runs out? what have they based their relationship on? trinkets and pretty things? jacob has placed me as his other half. his reason to smile bigger. his future eternity. his treasure. i have never felt so cherished in my entire life. princess back then was good, but this is so much more.
<3
ps- it's the full moon ;)
i really don't like cockroaches. REALLY don't like them. there is one in the house right now. it's about 3inches long. i tried catching it in a cup, but the cup was too small - had to upgrade to a bigger cup. it has made me scream multiple times so far this morning. he knows i'm coming after him, so he's running super duper fast. ew ew ewww.
gluten-free = sleepy. did you know that? don't worry, i didn't know either. becca and i are really sleepy these days. today is thursday and we just have to go until tomorrow night. i can't wait to eat "real" cereal! :) i have lucky charms waiting for me at home. pretty sure they won't last long when i get my hands on them...haha.
i have to book my ticket back home to school. hmmmm...sooner rather than later would be smart, yeah?
i can't wait to see rexburg clouds again!!! no lie. it's one of my favorite things about living there. they can always put a BIG smile on my face :D
oh! it's almost the full moon. yeah...that's my favorite. that along with clouds and chocolate and driving around with the windows down in cool weather with the music turned up. b-e-a-utiful.
i've been thinking about starting a painting thingy when i get back to school. make a lil extra cash on the side. i have to put plans together and such. i really don't think i'm going to find an official job in rexburg. and doing painting along with selling cards, i can control my hours. i'm thinking that will be important if i'm taking chinese 102, ASL, foreign government...and planning a wedding. and i have to drop a class so i'm not taking 18hrs...blah. no worries.
i'm going to teach the girls a new art project before we have to run around like crazy and be in multiple places as once :P
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sometimes i think. that can be dangerous. sometimes i think too much. sometimes i don't think enough. sometimes i just lay there with no thoughts in my head at all. there has been a lot of thinking these days, but there are so many thoughts that they're all just kinda jumbled. usually, at that point, i put in my ear phones, but i can't help just laying here and listen to the ceiling fan spin to fast while the keys click away as i type. i don't need music right now. maybe i just need sleep. eventually all my thoughts will find a way to organize themselves, i hope. until then, i'll just pray and hope for an understanding beyond that of what i already know. a confirmation. i love working at the Turpins. Jason and Shelly really do help me think. they share their opinions in subtle ways and are never pushy. they give me more things to figure out and consider. they understand sometimes. i'm truly grateful for them in my life. i guess life is all about taking one step at a time and learning things along the way. the answers are not always obvious. the way isn't always so defined and easy. leaps of faith need to be taken even when we don't think we can make that leap, because sometimes those leaps are what lead us to greater things than we expect. everything will be good. everything might just be understood, in some way or another, at some point.
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