Yummm...

Jacob and i went on a date saturday night. we were blessed enough to receive a gift card to williams-sonoma. we had never been there before, so we went to check it out. most things there were VERY nice and quite expensive. i'm never really interested in things too expensive, but it was fun seeing what people acutally buy. there were about 3 things that interested me. i was looking for something that would be an investment. something that wouldn't be broken right away by any children we would have in the future. something we, and others, could enjoy. then we agreed on that something. it is small, yet amazing! it is cute and can be enjoyed by everyone. it is something we can have fun with. it is called a zoku quick pop maker. that is the newest edition to our family. we feel super blessed for having been able to have the opportunity to purchase such a thing. i hope it turns out to be as amazing and fun as it looks :)

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Tired beyond belief

i'm so tired...
i'm tired of the tears. the tears that land onto my lap while sit. the tears that slide down my cheeks and onto my pillow when sitting isn't cutting it. i'm tired of my eyes burning.
i'm tired...
i'm tired of the headaches i keep getting on and off. of the hunger i feel, until i reach the cupboard or fridge, and how it disappears - even when i know i should eat something.
i'm tired of this dumb movie that i'm watching that i can't seem to turn off b/c if i did, i'd just be in this room all by myself in the silence.
i'm tired...
i'm tired of not knowing how i'm going to be able to help with finances in any way possible for the things we need.
i'm upset and tired with fafsa. the grant option is supposed to be higher and they are constant/lower. numbers were obviously typed in wrong (or at least i hope they were) and i can't go back and change it (at least not right now) and i don't think its enough.
i'm tired of being tired and having this depression feeling that looms over me like a stench that just doesn't go away no matter what you do.
i'm tired of being too tired to sleep. its not the best feeling in the world. i really do need my sleep.
i just need my husband. i get one full day a week with him. just one. i'm so thankful for having at least one day with him, but...
i'm just so tired.


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What do i think about being married?

being married is SO wonderful!
seeing my husband less now than i did when i avoided him a little, before we dated...THAT kinda sucks.
just sayin'...


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So far this week...

I got to see my husband last night! i usually don't see him from sunday night until friday night now, so that was SUPER DUPER exciting :D

this week is feeling very long, though.

my dad has a scary looking beard that i didn't want to touch me when he gave me a hug, so i leaned a little extra to the left to avoid such chance. it looks like it could be carrying some disease, but he looks happy enough. i'm glad he at least looks happy. even if i don't think all of his actions are so peachy. i'm not one to judge too much.
also, there is a freakish vulture/turkey bird thingy that has been going from one roof to the other making me freaked out enough to lock the doors. this has been happening the past few days.
yeah...those are the recent happenings in my life. woot woot!
lol


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Hehehe

so...i've been sneeky :)
i drive about 45mins every monday-friday to and from work. i end up on auto drive most of the times. alert auto, but auto nonetheless. i do, however, check out those gas prices. i haven't paid more than $2.89 for the past many weeks! yeah...the gas people don't know, but i watch them and i win. it feels good.


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That's when I knew

melmel: kris, how did you know you loved jacob?
me: hmmm good question. i think it was when his little flaws (that i used to think were something) fadded and he would tell me he loved me with no expectation of me saying it until i was ready. and when the only thing that could really make a bad day better was just seeing him...


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I was wishing...

i got off of work and knew you wouldn't be home; you'd be at work by then. i went to the store to pick up cough drops and that cherry flavored numbing spray for my throat that i haven't used since i was a kid. i drove home with the music loud but my voice silent. do you know why? it wasn't just because of my throat...i was wishing.
i was wishing and hoping that you'd be home when i got home.
i fought the frigged breeze as i pumped gas into the car. i was in no hurry to get home anyways. i missed you too much.
i was hoping and wishing that the longer i dragged my feet, the better of a chance you'd be there would be.
i drove home and there wasn't as much traffic as usual. i was making pretty good time. and during that time, during every minute and second that ticked by, you know what i was doing...
it was 7pm. i clicked the button to the garage door opener and slowly pulled the car into the garage.
i held my breath as i entered the house.
i was hoping.
i was wishing.
i was praying that you'd be in the closet ready to pop out and surprise me.
but you know what? i didn't even go upstairs to our room...i went right into the kitchen and heated up leftovers. i knew it was wednesday night. you're not home on wednesday nights.
i dragged my feet up the stairs after supper. the lights were off and i could already feel that i was the only one in our room.
i got your note in our journal, though. thank you.


i miss you.


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