A rough patch, but i'll get by...

times are changing and the world is still spinning. people are coming and people are leaving. sections of life are coming to an end only to have more begin right where they left off. smiles have been embraced. tears have been shed as a result of happy and sad moments. decisions have been made and some are still being thought about. i have every reason to be smiling, but i feel like everything thing is falling apart. it's as though i don't have a grasp on things anymore. my closest friends continue to walk out of my life. i'm sick and don't know how or when i can figure out what is wrong and how to fix it. i haven't heard from my best friend, who is serving a mission in Honduras, for months. thankfully i have a way up to school, but i don't know where i'm going when July comes around. i haven't seen my brother in over a week and doubt that he's going to be having his eagle court of honor before i leave. one of my best friends, and previous roommate, won't be there come this semester and i don't know what i'll do. i feel so wrong right now and don't know how to fix it. i pray and feel better, but that feeling only lasts so long these days. i really should have gone to wednesday night institute this week, but my allergies made me SO exhausted. i don't know right now... this will all get better, i just have to give it time and keep the faith... it'll all be okay.


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The simple things...

^ some editing i did a while back from a picture that i took on the way up to Idaho in 2009.
we need to remember to appreciate the simple things in life if we're gonna make it through this crazy world. everyone has tough days and feel like even the slightest smile won't tug at their lips, but those are the days that we need to show life how happy we really can be. fake it until you don't have to ;) we are all children of our Heavenly Father who has blessed us with so many amazing and simply beautiful things. it's up to us to recognize them, smile, and say thank you...


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Security

tonight, at the dinner table, Shelly asked us to share something along the line of what made us feel secure. this was deep - something i've never really thought about. not recently anyways... thankfully she called on me last. lol. i think i feel the most secure when there is a full moon. maybe when there is someone close enough to give me a hug...someone who is good enough of a friend that it's not just another hug, but it's one of comfort and security. often times it's knowing that i have the money i need to get me through the day. and at night...it's my nightlight. i'm not afraid of the dark, but i know how to defend myself and would prefer to see the person in my room if there ever is one. you know? and if i wake up in the night, it's as if the light is watching reality for me and it's okay if i drift off again.


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Flair moment ;)

Words Never Said

you were out of my head, my life, and my dreams. you hurt me and i haven't missed you at all. you had your chances. three strikes, you're out. now, out of the blue, you try to start conversations in vain. they're empty and short answered, sometimes you argue, and it doesn't fix what has happened. actions speak louder than words, and only actions can get you out of this mess. you're haunting my dreams again, where you are not welcome. i'm not going to get attached again and you're not going to hurt me. it's okay. for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. i've moved on. it's okay. i still love you, i just don't love what you do. understand? sweet dreams, my dear, but don't bring a rain cloud to my parade.


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Part of my wisdom teeth adventure...

i got my wisdom teeth (all 3) out, just over a week ago. it was quite the adventure. i was kinda excited about it, but when i got a 24hr warning, well...the idea didn't seem so great anymore. i had to stop eating at midnight :/ my mum picked me up from work that friday morning and we headed over to the place where a man i had never met would put me to sleep and take sharp objects to my mouth in order to remove teeth where God had placed specifically. yeah... so we got there and sat in the little waiting room thingy filling out paperwork and such while my stomach yelled at me for not having breakfast. they had me take another x-ray to be sure that i only had 3 wisdom teeth. the lady told me that i'd really like the doctor and that he was good at what he did. pretty sure she gets paid to say that...anyways! i was sitting in the waiting area with my mum when the doctor guy comes out to explain to this father that the guy's daughter is all finished and that there was this nerve and - that is when i covered my ears, put my head in my mum's shoulder, and hummed like i'd never hummed before. tears were welling up in my eyes, but i wasn't crying. i think i was in almost panic mode, but holding it kinda together. the doctor came up to me and was like, "are you crying??" i replied with a quickish, "no...!" we both laughed and he took me back. dun dun dunnnn... he was very funny and nice and had a comforting smile, but that wouldn't fool me. the needles were on this little metal table and they had all these machine thingys on another table, along with an IV thingy hanging from the ceiling! that would have been the time to run, but i was in the chair and my mum can be pretty strong. my chances of making it out alive, before this procedure, might be promising, but messy... he continued to tell me the precautions. paralyzation in part or all of my jaw, allergy reactions, death...you know. the stuff that my mum had me sign an OK for at the bottom of some page in the waiting area. should have read the fine print... and then he told me that i wouldn't actually be put fully to sleep. i was like, hold up and rewind! NOT asleep? oral SURGERY without being put to sleep? he had to be kidding me. but sure enough, he told me that only hospitals could do that. so why couldn't we go to the hospital? seriously. oh yeah, i don't like those places either. i have issues with dentists and hospitals...i think it's the needles and white jackets. yup. anyways...it was too late to run at that point, even for a ninja like myself, because the IV was already making it's lovely way over to my helpless arm that was currently being strangled to death by the turnacate of H-E-double hockey sticks! that's right. the thing squeezing my arm to death hurt more than the needle to an extent. how rude. my mum had to leave at that point, and i was okay with that. kinda. he put the needle full of drugs (my only friends at that moment) into the IV thingy and told me it'd take 10-12 seconds for it to take action. at that point i talked more than i thought was possible in such a state of doom, but it happened. i told him that he should put something on the ceiling for people to look at it. he told me that there wasn't enough room. there was a little bit of room, trust me. i suggested a big hershey kiss or something along those lines. he laughed and said maybe. shortly after, an uh oh passed my lips. "is it starting to work?" he asked. "yeah... :( " i said. the ceiling started to slowly spin and i don't remember much after that. there was a painful moment and he gave me more novocaine, but other than that... i woke up and my mouth was full of gauze. i was told to sit there until i could walk and all that jazz. about 3 seconds passed and, with many worried looks from the nurses, i walked out of there. haha. like i wanted to stay sitting in that room. my mouth was numb in every way, along with my tongue. communication consisted of grunts, moans, and sign language. unfortunately, my mum doesn't know as much sign language as me so that was pretty much just a good laugh. lol. i went home and slept on the couch, still famished and now thoroughly grossed out. it was about an hour later when i changed my gauze. i won't go into too much detail, but remember how i was super grossed out before (i can't stand eye or teeth things...) well, when blood tries to come out of your mouth, but your mouth is too dry and numb...and when your only form of spitting is sticking your tongue out and looking like more than a complete fool...it was quite the experience. so gross. ewww. yuck. the fridge/freezer was full of jello and pudding and juice and yogurt and ice cream and such, but my mouth was full of gauze and blood. so there i laid on the couch with no pain in my mouth, but in my stomach. lol. my mum pretty much forced me off of the gauze faze. you see, having that nasty stuff in my mouth is one thing, but having to swallow it...? OH GOSH! yeah, wasn't gonna happen. until my mum pretty much took my gauze away...lame. but then i got to drink my juice and eat yummy jello, so it was fine in the end. still gross, but fine. matty and i had to drop something off at the Turpin's that i had. so, later that afternoon, matty and i headed down to Spring. mum made me take 1/2 of a vicodin before i left even though i felt fine. haha. matty and i got frosties from Wendy's on the way home :) that night, sister G called me at about 11pm to tell me about her frozen pea magic. supposedly i was to wake up every 30mins to an hour to put a new bag of frozen peas on my face. didn't get much sleep that night, but it worked! the swelling wasn't too bad which helps with lack of pain. the next day was filled with boredom and Psych episodes and jello/pudding/juice...and my crazy craving for protein. oh my garage door, did i want meat! i ended up putting protein powder in my malt-o-meal made runny with milk so i could drink it. and later that evening, i made instant mashed potatoes with this chicken gravy stuff! ;) OH! sister Stutz brought over ice cream for my family and i. she is such a sweetheart! i love her so much! KT and i walked to the strip mall so i could look for jeans. i was a little swollen and it kinda drove me crazy, but oh well. sunday was quite the day. my goal was to look hott. more or less...lol. my face was more swollen than the other days and i had to feel good about myself to be distracted from my face. i thought it looked like i had gumballs in my cheeks, but my sis said it looked more like i had a bunch of peanut butter in my cheek. i tried eating a frozen gogurt during sacrament meeting, but the thing wouldn't open, so i had to use a pen and look like more of a fool, while trying not to get it on my clothes. haha. hmmmm... and to top it off, my former friend's girlfriend was in our ward with her sister to listen to his farewell talk and go to his party later. she hates me. so we were at church and i realized that i might have a puffy cheek, but i was prettier because, well...i have nicer caves, but because i was happy. even though my smile was slightly crooked because of the swelling, my eyes were smiling. she was talking about me to her sister, across the room, and sending mean vibes and looks my and my sister's way, but i was happy. i had a pleasant aura about me that day, and i think that is much more attractive than just nice hair or a pretty face. being happy is the way to be. i don't think i could really fall for a pessimist. so, while my sister sent a nasty glance back to the girl's sister, i smiled and knew that i had nothing to worry about. i tried eating a tortilla and cake and taco soup that day too! it took forever, but it kinda worked! haha. yeah...so that was most of my adventure. i'm still on it, but that was the most exciting part. haha. i am so thankful for the fact that i seem to be healing pretty well and that pain and swelling wasn't too much of an issue for me :)


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What has been going on? hmmm...

my adventures from when Lauren drove down here from Ohio and when i went up to Idaho to see Rebecca will be posted in time. until then...
what has been happening in my life lately? well...
i sent Elder Hagler his package almost a month ago :) he should be getting it within the next couple of weeks, i think. well, that's the goal.
i absolutely love Wednesday night institute! i always learn so much and know that if i can't apply it in my life right now, it will be applicable in the future. Brother G is an amazing teacher!
i have been in alignment for the 3rd week in a row! i only have to see him every other week now, as far as i know. that saves me SO much money and i love how much better my back feels! i'm all about fixing the problem and not just cover the symptoms. i love my back being popped, but he hasn't popped me once! it's like magic. lol. i am so thankful for how well my body is healing. and he refers to me as a ninja ever since the first day we met and i mentioned it to him. hehe. he's pretty awesome.
i love making chocolate chip cookies :)
KT and i watched Alice. it's a scifi for Alice in Wonderland. yeah, we're nerds. yeah, we love it. hehe.
i registered for my spring 2010 semester! i'm taking a natural disasters class, doctrines of the gospel, chinese, this problem solving class, and propaganda in the world class. i'm super excited to get back to school! not so excited for the work load, but it comes with going back up there i suppose. lol
Sammi and i have been kinda working out every weekday morning. Joy sometimes gets on me and makes things a little more heavy whether it's pushups or situps or something. haha. it's fun though.
Matty is looking for a job right now and i'm crossing my fingers for him! i love that kid and he really needs to get out of that house...lol
i go to the Geddies every Tuesday night to put my two cents of help in. this week i made sure that the girls practiced piano, the table was cleared and dishes set up to wash, and i even went over on Wednesday to help Katelyn finish studying for her history test. last week i helped them sort the basket of socks. that was quite the adventure. haha. but once i made it into a game, the girls seemed to like it a little more. we finished in less than 45mins! woohoo!
i miss my isabella like crazy.
i was also missing someone else on and off this past week. i don't know why. calling this person is harder than it used to be b/c of this whole timezone thingy.
i got girl scout cookies! haven't eaten them yet, but that's besides the point. lol
my sign language is expanding by so much! i love it!
i might be getting my wisdom teeth out within the next week or two or three! i'm terrified. i've never had surgery and i'm not a big fan of drugs so that should be interesting...
i realized that i am flattered but am not a big fan of people saying, "what would/will we do without kris around?" it makes me want to stay longer to help. i was so close to stay in rexburg a couple of weekends ago and i was tempted to not leave here for a couple of other people. all i want to do is help! i enjoy making people's lives a little bit easier. you know? it makes my heart smile :)
my friend and i were becoming closer again after a little bit of a rough patch with his girlfriend, but we had a "determine the friendship" thingy tonight. i didn't want to ask b/c i didn't want to be told the answer that i already knew. i rambled until i had almost nothing to talk about just so i didn't have to ask. but the question finally came and his answer was what i expected. he didn't know where our friendship stood. i told him the ball was in his court and he/his gf (since she seems to be in control these days) had to make the decision. i needed an answer. i couldn't be put in that washing machine of friends-and-then-not-and-then-friends again. it kinda hurts and is confusing. he said that it's a no-go. then we walked away fast and without any words to follow. i yelled out that saying goodbye would be polite. he yelled back 'goodbye coward (something or another)'. coward? i eventually got the question out; i wasn't the one that ran away faster than a child for candy, without looking back. it's okay. it has happened quite a bit with people in my life over the past 6 months or so. i can deal.
KT and i should be looking for jeans this weekend and i need to go through my stuff to take and not take to college with me.
oh!! i found a ride up Rexburg, thank heaven! it's with Brita. i kinda know her from singles ward last summer. she's fun and really nice.
Shelly and the kids and i bought a bunch of different plants and trees and planted them last week! i've never realized how much fun that is :)
i have to go to bed now so that tomorrow can be another wonderful day!
i hope you have the happiest of dreams!

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