Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
A-Z
A- appreciative
B- bouncy
C- chocolate
D- dancer
E- excited
F- funny
G- giver
H- hopeful
I- indecisive
J- joyful
K- kid
L- loving
M- munchie
N- nerdy
O- optimist
P- procrastinator
Q- questioning
R- religious
S- sarcastic
T- thoughtful
U- unreadable
V- violent
W- worrier
X- xylophone fan
Y- yearning
Z- zany
B- bouncy
C- chocolate
D- dancer
E- excited
F- funny
G- giver
H- hopeful
I- indecisive
J- joyful
K- kid
L- loving
M- munchie
N- nerdy
O- optimist
P- procrastinator
Q- questioning
R- religious
S- sarcastic
T- thoughtful
U- unreadable
V- violent
W- worrier
X- xylophone fan
Y- yearning
Z- zany
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sometimes...
sometimes communication is a difficult thing, but it's needed if you want to get anywhere in life.
sometimes we break at the wrong times. sometimes we feel like jerks; we do the one thing we've tried not to for so long. it's in the past and i don't see you the way you see yourself right now. i hope you understand that. you're loved. we're humans and mess up at times. all you can do is work harder so that your ready for next time, i guess. you're fine. just learn from your experiences and remember to communicate. please, don't forget how important you are...
"when pushed too much, that's when you fall...and that's a fall i can't catch..."
<3
sometimes we break at the wrong times. sometimes we feel like jerks; we do the one thing we've tried not to for so long. it's in the past and i don't see you the way you see yourself right now. i hope you understand that. you're loved. we're humans and mess up at times. all you can do is work harder so that your ready for next time, i guess. you're fine. just learn from your experiences and remember to communicate. please, don't forget how important you are...
"when pushed too much, that's when you fall...and that's a fall i can't catch..."
<3
Sunday, June 20, 2010
So thankful for him
i am so thankful for him everyday, but even more-so last night. i was having a good day filled with making shirts with jacob's fhe sisters, getting extra points on my chinese test, i got a package and letter from my mum, the weather was nice, i worked on my millions of art propaganda flash cards... it was a good day. then i went to do my assignment for natural disasters. i spent almost 2hrs on it. i had to turn in the certificate at the end of this thingy that i had to do online. in order to move to the next step, i had to answer all the questions on the page correctly. yeah, i couldn't get the right answers to one part. it wouldn't let me move on to the next part. that was super frustrating. so, i didn't turn in that assignment. by then it was too late to go to Twizlberry, like i had wanted to do all week. that annoyed me a little bit, but i would just make another dessert. how about that poky cake stuff? yummm! oh wait, it takes 4ish hrs to set up. hmmm. peanut butter/chocolate rice crispy bars? oh yeah! ....oh no....the chocolate on the top has to set up. yeah, i wasn't gonna let my night suck when my day had went so well.
my package had ingredients for magic cookie bars (pretty much my favorite dessert!), and i planned to make those. well, the crust didn't turn out right. then the can of sweetened condensed milk wasn't working the best, because i didn't have a can poker thingy. the lid just had to come off, and then it poured on too thickish. and after all this effort...i didn't want to eat them. they hadn't even gone in the oven yet! what was wrong with me??? i kinda collapsed to the floor and looked at my feet as i asked that very question aloud. i moaned and said that i should never get pregnant, because i'd probably be so much worse than this. but then i realized that maybe it'd help me become sane and not insane like i was at the moment. i was annoyed with myself and the fact that i wanted something but nothing at the same time.
then i realized how much i appreciated jacob. he sat by the sink, on the kitchen floor, with me. he pulled me into his arms and cradled me, telling me that everything was okay. he told me that i wasn't insane and that the bars would turn out fine. he reminded me that i had my plate full this week. he reminded me of my tests and homework and lack of sleep and allergies...he said what i really needed was sleep. so, once the bars were finished baking, that's what i did. i curled up in jacob's arms and fell asleep (well, as asleep as i get around people) while he watched tv with my roommates. i really do appreciate him in my life. even if it's just for a hug or something as simple as a smile :)
<3
my package had ingredients for magic cookie bars (pretty much my favorite dessert!), and i planned to make those. well, the crust didn't turn out right. then the can of sweetened condensed milk wasn't working the best, because i didn't have a can poker thingy. the lid just had to come off, and then it poured on too thickish. and after all this effort...i didn't want to eat them. they hadn't even gone in the oven yet! what was wrong with me??? i kinda collapsed to the floor and looked at my feet as i asked that very question aloud. i moaned and said that i should never get pregnant, because i'd probably be so much worse than this. but then i realized that maybe it'd help me become sane and not insane like i was at the moment. i was annoyed with myself and the fact that i wanted something but nothing at the same time.
then i realized how much i appreciated jacob. he sat by the sink, on the kitchen floor, with me. he pulled me into his arms and cradled me, telling me that everything was okay. he told me that i wasn't insane and that the bars would turn out fine. he reminded me that i had my plate full this week. he reminded me of my tests and homework and lack of sleep and allergies...he said what i really needed was sleep. so, once the bars were finished baking, that's what i did. i curled up in jacob's arms and fell asleep (well, as asleep as i get around people) while he watched tv with my roommates. i really do appreciate him in my life. even if it's just for a hug or something as simple as a smile :)
<3
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The lame excuses are slowly disappearing...
so, yeah, i have to be careful of what i say around him so that i don't hurt his feelings too much. he ran 30 laps around the track for his meet and that thought just made me sick (i'd rather eat rocks than run. lol). his last name starts with a "W". but all the lame excuses that i used to try to come up with are slowly disappearing. it makes me laugh at how, many days, he doesn't seem to understand me - like what makes me tick. then there are other days that nothing hides from him. he's getting to know me pretty well and always seems to know how to put a smile on this face of mine. he treats me, not exactally like a princess, but like one of the most important treasures in the world, but remembers that sometimes i need to do things for myself. he protects me and told me that he feels like one of the luckiest guys on campus when he's with me. he knows i have a tender heart and covers my eyes when something really mean or scary comes on the tv. when i have a moment where i need to talk, or when i bring up personal topics, he listens. he reminds me to take my pills or of quizzes i need too take. he left a bag of kitkats and a card in front of my door and ran away, today, just so that i'd be surprised and have another reason to smile. he shares my love for chinese food, so, even though he is a very poor boy, he is taking me on a date to the new chinese restaurant in town tomorrow night :) i am super duper excited!
<3
<3
Monday, June 14, 2010
One of the reasons you can't stand me anyways
i usually control my emotions pretty well. i rarely take offense. i'm slow to anger and i place my love carefully. i don't cry very easily and my spirits are usually pretty high. that is who i am. i just read something that stung, though. it felt like a slap across the face. it felt like the feeling i get when i didn't realize there was one more step down. my stomach dropped and tears came to my eyes.
"no one has ever felt that way about my siblings."
how could you say that? how could you forget? i would come over at least once a month for about 2 years to help out around the house until i left for college. i'd swim with your sibling and help them clean their room and house. we took on the task of sorting the HUGE scary pile of mismatched socks! the girls had no desire, so i made it into a game. we had fun. i helped them with their piano when i could and skipped institute a couple of times to spend hours studying with Kaitlyn for her big tests. i cleaned your room even when i had no desire to even step through that doorway. i fooled around with Daniel continuously and was clam with him even when everyone else was yelling at him. i helped Sister G make those testimony books and work on other projects. i'd stick up for the girls when Laura went on her sprees once in a while. i would drive them to activities and have some of the best conversations with Laura and Sister G and dad. dad and i would have food fights in the kitchen and he tried to help me understand what was wrong with me when my blood tests came back all messed up twice. do you not remember the letters i'd write to your mother and sisters? do you not remember the chocolate and Christmas plates i'd bring them or the moments i'd just sit with them? April made a sign name for me and she and i would have the funnest time signing and fooling around. i'd rock her baby for her and hugged her and help her out when needed. Kerstin and i shared thoughts all the time. that girl can be the chatterbox :) the 3 girls and Daniel and i would all work together to clean that kitchen listening to fun music and shaking our booties. you're family is SO important to me. don't you remember? remember when i was going to spend hundreds of dollars of the money i didn't have to fly down to TX last minute if your mother passed on? remember the fun your family would have when i was around? remember the love that was there? never mind. i understand. you are love struck and there is only one thing on your mind right now. it's okay. it's one reason you can't stand me anyways, i guess. it just hurt when i read that.
it's okay. Camry told me that she's felt this same hurt before. she said it goes away, and i know she's right. i just wish that you remembered things so you could appreciate those moments even when they don't happen as much. i hope your family doesn't forget like you have. i hope i have touched their lives like you and they have touched mine.
<3
"no one has ever felt that way about my siblings."
how could you say that? how could you forget? i would come over at least once a month for about 2 years to help out around the house until i left for college. i'd swim with your sibling and help them clean their room and house. we took on the task of sorting the HUGE scary pile of mismatched socks! the girls had no desire, so i made it into a game. we had fun. i helped them with their piano when i could and skipped institute a couple of times to spend hours studying with Kaitlyn for her big tests. i cleaned your room even when i had no desire to even step through that doorway. i fooled around with Daniel continuously and was clam with him even when everyone else was yelling at him. i helped Sister G make those testimony books and work on other projects. i'd stick up for the girls when Laura went on her sprees once in a while. i would drive them to activities and have some of the best conversations with Laura and Sister G and dad. dad and i would have food fights in the kitchen and he tried to help me understand what was wrong with me when my blood tests came back all messed up twice. do you not remember the letters i'd write to your mother and sisters? do you not remember the chocolate and Christmas plates i'd bring them or the moments i'd just sit with them? April made a sign name for me and she and i would have the funnest time signing and fooling around. i'd rock her baby for her and hugged her and help her out when needed. Kerstin and i shared thoughts all the time. that girl can be the chatterbox :) the 3 girls and Daniel and i would all work together to clean that kitchen listening to fun music and shaking our booties. you're family is SO important to me. don't you remember? remember when i was going to spend hundreds of dollars of the money i didn't have to fly down to TX last minute if your mother passed on? remember the fun your family would have when i was around? remember the love that was there? never mind. i understand. you are love struck and there is only one thing on your mind right now. it's okay. it's one reason you can't stand me anyways, i guess. it just hurt when i read that.
it's okay. Camry told me that she's felt this same hurt before. she said it goes away, and i know she's right. i just wish that you remembered things so you could appreciate those moments even when they don't happen as much. i hope your family doesn't forget like you have. i hope i have touched their lives like you and they have touched mine.
<3
Things have changed
he and i are starting week 6 of dating. i've never worked at a relationship so much. things just didn't click as well at first. there were days i was thinking about giving up. there were days seeing him would make me smile bigger than i had all week. there were days that i was frustrated with both of us and needed camry's opinion on the topic. there were days i fasted and prayed and didn't feel like any answer was coming. guess what. i have liked him for 6 day straight. that is the longest i have liked him continuously. this might be seen as sad or pathetic, but camry and i have been doing happy dances the past day or two. lol. i didn't want to see him at all last sunday. and i didn't. that was the 1st time i hadn't seen him for a whole day since we've started dating. it wasn't hard, because i didn't want him to see the tears in my eyes and ask what was wrong. i didn't want to tell him why i had been crying. how was i to explain that i cried myself to sleep saturday night because breaking up was all that was going through my mind? but then why the tears? the thought of breaking up with him made me cry. silent waterfalls of tears ran across my face as i curled up against the wall in my bed that night. i didn't want to break up. i didn't want that at all! so sunday came and i was on the verge of tears all day. monday came and i knew it was a new week and it was a better day. i've been hanging out with him everyday this week and loving every second of it. we went on a date last night. we ate pizza at the park and went to the best of guitar unplugged and split a McD's hot fudge sunday. the night was filled with our endless questions for each other. i love those. tonight i didn't want to say goodnight. i was content with him holding me tight and keeping me warm from the cool breeze as we sat on the bleachers. i was comfortable with just closing my eyes and listening to his heart beating it's wonderful rhythm. i didn't want to come home and work on my homework and study for my test and presentation. i wanted to have a superpower where i could just freeze time all around us. but grades are important to both of us, so we had to say goodnight. and now i'm blogging. haha. i should probably work on my stuff. i'm just so happy that i've liked him all week! maybe pathetic, but completely true :) he cares about me SO much and i am endlessly thankful for him in my life.
<3
<3
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Getting better...?
i think things are getting better :)
this weekend was awesome! friday consisted of a Jamba Juice run with my roommates and Jacob. we also redboxed Old Dogs that night. i liked it. "scat happens." haha ;)
satuday, Jacob and i ran errands around the 'burg. we walked to Walgreens and the Post Office and that Great Harvest amazingness place for lunch. then i met his friends from UT and got their approval. lol. i fell asleep while we watched the Goonies with Steven. Daniel, Ashley, Jenelle, Jacob, and i went to Gringos for fried ice cream. yummmm! then Jacob and i ran over to Broulim's for tortillas and hamburger. lol. he and i cooked up some awesome burrito/rice/chicken thingys and did laundry.
i went to church on sunday. after church we had our usual apartment supper and i took a 16min nap before Jacob picked me up to go to a birthday get-together thingy for his, now married, FHE sis from last Fall. she wanted to meet me. yeah...she told him many times not to lose me. she told me to keep him too. haha. we said we'd do our best. she didn't like that answer. she said, "just do it!" lol. she's SO sweet and asked for my information so we can keep in contact. i think we're gonna play games with them sometime :) she liked me so much that, when Jacob told her that i loved the cookies, she sent the rest of them home with me! well, there were only 4, but still! hehe. then my roomies and Michael and Jacob and i watched Indiana Jones. never saw it before, but i think i liked it! lol
monday was the ice caves :D 9am was when we were picked up. i was nervous when we were off-road for a bit. the truck felt like it was gonna tip or something at times, but Jacob did a great job at driving there and back. Ashley came with us along with Jacob's roommates and some of their FHE sisters. it was SO much fun! and i only got 2 scratches! oh yeah! hehe. then we watched Tommy Boy (my 1st time) and had FHE at the bishop's house. homemade hamburgers-and by homemade, i mean...i saw the cows in the backyard and everything. lol. yummm! late that night, Jacob and i went to IF to pick up Camry from the airport. it was SO good to see her :)
<3
this weekend was awesome! friday consisted of a Jamba Juice run with my roommates and Jacob. we also redboxed Old Dogs that night. i liked it. "scat happens." haha ;)
satuday, Jacob and i ran errands around the 'burg. we walked to Walgreens and the Post Office and that Great Harvest amazingness place for lunch. then i met his friends from UT and got their approval. lol. i fell asleep while we watched the Goonies with Steven. Daniel, Ashley, Jenelle, Jacob, and i went to Gringos for fried ice cream. yummmm! then Jacob and i ran over to Broulim's for tortillas and hamburger. lol. he and i cooked up some awesome burrito/rice/chicken thingys and did laundry.
i went to church on sunday. after church we had our usual apartment supper and i took a 16min nap before Jacob picked me up to go to a birthday get-together thingy for his, now married, FHE sis from last Fall. she wanted to meet me. yeah...she told him many times not to lose me. she told me to keep him too. haha. we said we'd do our best. she didn't like that answer. she said, "just do it!" lol. she's SO sweet and asked for my information so we can keep in contact. i think we're gonna play games with them sometime :) she liked me so much that, when Jacob told her that i loved the cookies, she sent the rest of them home with me! well, there were only 4, but still! hehe. then my roomies and Michael and Jacob and i watched Indiana Jones. never saw it before, but i think i liked it! lol
monday was the ice caves :D 9am was when we were picked up. i was nervous when we were off-road for a bit. the truck felt like it was gonna tip or something at times, but Jacob did a great job at driving there and back. Ashley came with us along with Jacob's roommates and some of their FHE sisters. it was SO much fun! and i only got 2 scratches! oh yeah! hehe. then we watched Tommy Boy (my 1st time) and had FHE at the bishop's house. homemade hamburgers-and by homemade, i mean...i saw the cows in the backyard and everything. lol. yummm! late that night, Jacob and i went to IF to pick up Camry from the airport. it was SO good to see her :)
<3
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